In Praise of God Most Slender

Wily god,

you must laugh at us,

sink your lean limbs back

into your plush

throne, we who bow

to you, pray to you,

say our novenas and diet

on Monday,

pound our chests,

turn our lips

from those tempting, sinful

delights. Oh Sweet

Slimness! Thou

Spare, Skinny, Lanky

One! Oh

Perpetual Slenderness!

We ever strive to make

ourselves over

in your image.

Should we fail,

succombing to our sense

of taste,

save us from the fat

devil.

Let not our thighs grow

chubby.

We will do our penance

faithfully,

hours of exercise, more

celery, fasting,

ex-lax

or a finger.

We will do whatever

it takes, Most

Blessed Emaciation!

For thine is America,

the power

and the glory,

for ever

and ever

(burp).

[Copyright, 1990, Theresa Jarosz Alberti; do not reproduce without permission.]