MY BOGGY BLOG: find your way through the murk
Notes from the Homefront -- Theresa Jarosz Alberti, writer and mother... http://sapphire.albatross.org
Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there! We stopped by for a visit with my dad and mom last night-- we've gotten into the habit, over the years, of celebrating with moms and dads the day before Mother's or Father's Day, so that we, DH and I, can take full selfish advantage of the actual day for ourselves. Especially when the kids were younger and there was more physicality to taking care of them, it was a sanity saver to do the holiday this way-- we really needed to have a day for ourselves, to be taken care of, to be able to do whatever we wanted. While it's not as crucial now with the kids being older, it still is very nice to do things this way.
For DH, the day started with sleeping in, then he got coffee served to him while he read the paper. When younger DS awoke ( he slept in too), he gave him our presents: 2 nice dressy-casual polo shirts (DH hates to clothes shop), dark chocolate, a gift certificate to Uncle Hugo's, his very favorite bookstore, and a 4-pack of Guiness. After this we walked over to The Birchwood Cafe for a very nice and somewhat expensive breakfast ($50 for the 3 of us). We sat outside on the patio with an umbrella to shield us from the sun (it's another 90 degree day), a lovely breeze. Then we walked home.
Now everyone is off to their own pursuits in the cool house. There's a strawberry-rhubarb crisp I made yesterday (DH loves strawberry-rhubarb anything) and I'll make a shrimp and chicken stir fry for dinner. Maybe we'll go see a movie or something later. Whatever DH wants!
It is an odd day for us, though, really a few odd days since our 15 year old twins are in Boston for 6 days, a church-group trip they've been fundraising for all year. We sent them off with phone-cards and instructions to call, but so far (Day 4) we haven't heard from them. We ran into another mom at the cafe this morning, and she hasn't heard from her son either. We all speculated that they're having too much fun to even think about calling... that they'd probably have called if they were sad or homesick or bored. But still, it's always in the back of my mind that they're gone and having this totally independent time without us. I've been having some anxiety dreams at night about them coming home totally changed. I know this is just my own growing pains as a parent, that this is what I'm going to experience more and more over the next few years as they do get more independent.
All those years of being so hyper-involved in their lives, their needs, their wants, their day-to-day existance. It's hard to give that up, even though it's every parent's job to do so. They are turning into great people, sprouted from the great kids they were. It's just hard to not feel anxious about the changes, about the decisions they'll have to make on their own, about what our relationship will be like in the future.
Sigh, deep breath, relax, let go. Repeat... and then welcome them home on Tuesday!
...no more teacher's dirty looks! :-) It's hard to believe that this was the last day of school for the year. Honestly, wasn't it just September like yesterday? When I look ahead at the school year in the fall, it alwasy seems to stretch on and on, and I'm sure that I'll get tons of projects completed. But before you know it, there's Thanksgiving. Christmas break is just a half-hop from there. In January there's hardly any school with the end of winter break and MLK and stuff like that. Then spring break, Memorial Day and here we are.
It feels like summer today, with the temp at 91 and the humidity high. We don't have centrail air, just a few room a/c units and lots of fans, so we really feel it in the house. The heat makes me sluggish, dreaming of a dive into a pool or lake or at the very least a glass of ice tea. It takes me back to the hottest days when I was a kid, and the nights would stay so hot that Mom would set up blankets and pillows on the floor for us to sleep in the living room where we could have a fan blowing right on us, sleeping in our lightest summer nightgowns. During the day, we'd keep cool with sprinklers and backyard wading pools and popsicles. I remember walking down the sidewalk and the black tar that connected each block of cement together would get rubbery in the heat and we'd stick our toes in it. We were barefoot a lot, and we'd have to run across the blazing streets to our friends' houses and still our feet would get burned a bit.
I wonder what my kids will remember about summers? I know if I don't kick their butts outside this summer, they will remember playing Halo or Splinter Cell in the cool damp basement, or being on their computers in their hot rooms. They'll remember watching Dr. Who on the computer (a family favorite this year). They'll barely know it's summer... but don't worry, that won't be the case. They have a momma who'll limit their time and make them get out.
Right now, I'm gonna go get me a glass of lemonade, since diving into a pool or lake isn't an option. Keep cool!
Last week, I'd driven over to the high school to pick up the twins for piano lessons. Younger DS and I sat in the car in the designated pick-up spot (traffic around the high school is just crazy when school lets out, a madhouse of buses, cars, pedestrians and cyclists). I saw older DS walking down the sidewalk toward our car, and I noticed how beefy he's getting. He'll turn 16 this summer, and I've watched him pass through all those growing stages, and now he's looking more like a man, filling out in the arms-chest-shoulders with muscle definition... it's a definite change from last year. Noticing things like this about my kids always makes me think--- and how did we get HERE? And so quickly?
His twin sister had her more noticeable changes a few years ago, as girls usually do, with the whole breasts/hips/curves changes. She has a woman's body. Looking at the bodies of teenage girls amazes me-- how fast and how big their breasts can grow in such a short amount of time! Yesterday we were at the kids' piano recital. We've had recitals twice a year for several years, and so we've been able to see a lot of the same kids over a span of time. Where did those little girl bodies go? The girls walk around now like they've always had a C cup.
Now younger DS, my baby, is 12 and he's starting to go places too. Just in the last few months, I've watched his shoulders take on a broad squareness, and he seems to have a head start on many of the boys his age-- he stands tall over some of his friends. And something new: he looks like he always has a dirty upper lip because he's got a darker shadow of hair there. His older brother never had this at age 12. I remember when I was in junior high there were some guys who had full-blown beards in 8th grade. Will my baby be one of these? And while his voice has dropped this year, he's still very affectionate and giving lots of hugs. It makes the changes easier on Mom!
So, I knew it was coming but it sure is strange to be here. Older DS and DD will be taking driver's ed this summer. But I feel like I have a collapsible telescope for a mind--- with just a shift in my mind I can go zooming back in time to see them as little babies, to see them as toddlers, to see them as kindergarteners. And then I zoom back to see these growing kids. It's a wonderful world.