MY BOGGY BLOG: find your way through the murk

What's the Opposite of a Little White Lie?

Well, we're still dealing with the aftermash of the accident I was in last Monday (see previous blog entry). I am driving the rental van, having been hearing from the mechanic, unofficially at this point, that my van is totaled. This bums me out because I liked that van and I don't want to have to shop around for a new one and it is another big expense at a time when we are having some big remodeling done on our house and planning our trip to Germany this summer.

But the whole accident saga has taken an interesting twist now that the insurance agent told me that the guy who hit me is telling a whole different version (i.e., a Big Fat Lie) about what happened after the accident. My version in brief is this: I was sitting at a stop light, saw the light turn green, went through the intersection and he hit the side of my van and my car spun around 180 degrees. I pulled over to the side of the road in front of his car and saw a woman get out of her car and talked to her as a witness (because I know how important witnesses are in an accident. Then I wnt over to the other driver and he yelled at me and claimed he had the green light and we exchanged info and waited for the police.

His version is that after "we hit each other" I just kept driving, and he had to chase me for a mile and a half until I stopped and then he talked to me and got me to come back to the accident scene, where I refused to give him my information. The other woman who I said was the witness was really my friend who I had called to the accident scene after it happened. And he told the agent that he might take me to small claims court.

!!!

I couldn't believe that this was his story, and it really pissed me off. I don't think he'll get away with it because I don't think my car could have driven away like that (the tire looked like it would fall off), and the witness also called 911 right after the accident as did the other driver (I didn't even have my phone on me), and so there will be records of her call to 911 about the same time as his call. I don't think he has a leg to stand on, and if he did take me to small claims court, I don't think he would be able to prove any of his story.

Still, I am extremely disappointed that a person would do this, would tell such utter lies to benefit himself and pass the blame. I could have understood if it had been hard to see what color the light was, if he made a mistake, or even if he had believed he had the right of way. But then to add on a whole exaggerated untrue story to somehow manipulate justice is just deplorable. What a lack of character! What lack of integrity!

How does a person who likes to believe in human nature get through this? There are obviously people in this world who have no trouble doing bad things, whether it is a lie against someone else or a lie to a country about why we should go to war, and even worse things. How do people keep believing in people in the face of evil? Maybe it is time to movie Elie Weisel's book "Night" to the top of my reading stack. I'm sure he must have some insights in the face of the far greater evils of human nature he has experienced.

CRASH (not the movie)

So we finally get snow in Minneapolis. The weather people have been telling us many times over the last two months (you know, January and February, WINTER), that snow was coming, inches here and there predicted that never materialized. So when they said we were going to get 6-10 inches Sunday night and Monday morning, who believed it? Not me. But they were bound to be right one of these times, I suppose. So we did in fact get some 6-10 inches of snow.

School was delayed 2 hours, so it was mid-morning when I drove the kids to school on very snowy streets with snow still coming down, then headed for the bank on an errand. I sat at a traffic light in our neighborhood and waited for the light to turn green, and when it did I started through the intersection. My regret is that I didn't look right or left before I went... nowadays, you can't just assume that you can go safely when the light turns green because more and more people are ridiculously running red lights, even several seconds after the red has turned. You really have to drive defensively, like you are in a f*cking war zone or something.

And so I was hit a car running the red light, slamming into my rear door/wheel/panel. I heard the crash and my van spun around and I hit my head on the window or door frame. I was disoriented, screamed and then moved the car out of the intersection to the side of the road where the guy who hit me had parked his car. I stepped outside to the whirling snowy world and the man who hit me got out of his car. I saw a woman across the street get out of her car, watching us, so I immediately thought "Witness!" and yelled to ask her if she'd seen the accident. She had. Meanwhile the Man Who Hit Me (MWHM) came up and started yelling at me, what was I doing going through a red light, was I crazy, he had the green light, didn't I hear him honk his horn? He was on his cell phone then, calling the police and I went over to talk to the witness, because I know how crucial they can be.

The woman was friendly and confirmed what I knew of the accident-- she had been behind me and she saw the light turn green for me and her, and she saw the guy coming through the red light on the cross street and not attempting to stop at all. She said she would stay and she helpfully gave her name and phone number, and she called the police herself as well, and let me use her cell phone.

While I'm standing on the corner shin-deep in snow, my coat blowing open, trying to talk to her, the MWHM is yelling at me across the street to come over and exchange information. I yell back at him, peeved at how he is treating me in all this. He was Somalian or Ethiopian, and I try not to group people into stereotypes, but he was certainly acting in a way towards me that fit a stereotype... sexist man of that background who intimidates women and insists he is right, even when others say he was clearly in the wrong. I know there are plenty of Somalian or Ethiopian men who are kind and treat others with respect, but this man stayed firmly on the other side of the fence. It was hurtful.

We did exchange all the information, and then because it seemed like we should wait for the police to come, we all did. I even sat with the witness for awhile-- now there is kindness--- she waited for the police for an hour. She told me that her brother had been in a car accident once where it wasn't his fault but there were no witnesses and the other driver had a wife who was lawyer, so her brother got screwed. So she knew a witness was important. Isn't that amazing? But waiting for the police... pretty useless. When they finally showed up, they did nothing but pass some accident report papers to us. They didn't take notes, didn't ask our stories (when the MWHM tried to tell them how I'd ran the red light, the cop just said, "we don't care. Just fill out these forms and mail them in." They didn't even want to talk to the witness.

My car needed to be towed, so DH came and picked me up and we started dealing with insurance and all that. I did end up getting a rental car for the interim, another van, and even though I drove home carefully with no further accidents, I'm still skittish about driving. I know I'll have to tomorrow.

So for tonight, even though my body is still a bit shaky and I just want to burrow under the covers, I do have this sense of having walked through a fire. I'm still alive, I'm still alive, I'm still alive. And I can hug my family and that is worth everything.

The Play's the Thing

Today we went to see Hamlet at the Guthrie Theatre. We are so lucky that there is a local program called Project Success that enables students and their families to see theatre and sometimes other types of programming for free. We try to see as much as we can... I view it as an educational experience in addition to being entertainment. We have been able to see some great performances through this program that otherwise we wouldn't be able to see. Theatre tickets for 5 people isn't usually something we can afford.

DH has sometimes bowed out of going along to some of the lesser theatres I've taken the kids to, but he was eager to see Hamlet at the Guthrie. Not only was it Hamlet, but it was the Guthrie, our most famous theatre. And this is probably the final performance we will be seeing at this theatre since it will be moving to a new location that happens to be nearby.

The play was wonderful. The setting was more of a 1940's time period, with soldiers wearing what looked like WW2 army uniforms. The main cast was wearing lovely tea-length gowns for the women and dark overcoats and suits for the men. Hamelt himself was gorgeous and very emotional and cleverly done. I even shed a few tears when he and Laertes died... I've seen Hamlet a few times before and never been thus moved.

So it's goodby to the Guthrie in this particular location. I can tell you what I won't miss about this place-- the traffic around this place is hideous, with traffic lights that are times to only let a few cars enter the theatre road at a time, so even if you think you are arriving with a half an hour before the show, you might not make it to your seat on time. Leaving in their new windy (that's wind-y) parking ramp isn't much better. This area wasn't well constructed to handle well the large amounts of traffic that happen when a play is scheduled.

It's odd to think next time we'll be going to the big navy-blue building for a Guthrie play. I just hope it doesn't muck up the traffic on the River Road. It's the 2000's-- can't we design buildings with good plans for traffic flow around them? I hope so.

Crashing Into Monday

This may be the first time I've ever seen most of the Oscar awards show. We were home and doing hardcore clean up and moving of junk in prep for 2 contractors coming over today: a painter in the boys' room, and the cabinet people in the kitchen, for new (yay!) cabinets to replace the miscellaneous shelves we've had a long this one wall for years.

It was that exhausting kind of work-- cleaning up the room of a 14 and 11 year old boy which had accumulated a lot of junk and garbage that needed to be cleaned up and removed, and trying to move stuff around in the kitchen to make room for the cabinets. So we had the Oscars on and would walk by the TV in the living room, stop a minute, then trudge onward. We managed to see a lot of the award show this way, and not a lot of the commercials.

I have to admit I was disappointed that Crash won over Brokeback Mountain. Crash was a good film and I think it was great, how it illuminated the many dimensions of racism. It was filmed in a very interesting style, too-- not just plodding along in forward motion. But I really liked Brokeback for the story and for its cutting edge depiction of two men who are in love. That is something that has been absolutely taboo--- you just don't SEE that anywhere, and society likes to brush it under the rug. Sure, there are lots of gays out there in the world, but to show the reality of their relationships, even showing the tent scene, was wonderful. I think Brokeback was more illuminating in what it was portraying.

So I was sad.... I know Brokeback has won a lot of awards and received a lot of attention, and that is good. Both films are doing a "greater good" for society. But I wanted Heath and Jake to win.

I'll have to console myself tonight by admiring my new kitchen cabinets and starting to fill them up. And when Brokeback finally comes to the Riverview, I'll go again, at least once.

And hey, just one more thing before I sign off, why couldn't they show Annie Proulx, the actual writer of the short story that they based the screenplay on, at the Oscars last night? The screenplay winners for Brokeback mentioned that she was there, and they couldn't even pan a cameral at her? Come on! She *wrote* the thing! Hmmpf! (Sympathetic Writer going off in a snit.)

Slumpville

Hi again! In case you've been wondering, I've been away for awhile, visiting a place called Slumpville. Is it just the season... the murky depths of a gray winter? Or just where I'm at in life? I'm not sure, but sitting on the couch watching TV wrapped in a blanket has been a comforting cocoon for me lately. The Olympics were on and I felt obliged to watch some of it--- it's the least I can do for these athletes who have trained and worked so hard! Somebody should at least watch them and cheer them on...

Did I mention that Slumpville is located next to Pathetic Pointe?

I think I've watched more TV this winter than I have in the last 10 years combined. First, there's Starting Over, a reality TV show on in the weekday afternoons about women who go to live in a house together in California and are guided by life coaches to change their lives. If I can't be home to watch it, I tape it. Just watching it makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life, even though it usually means I'm getting a little awareness and crying along with the women on the show.

The other shows I've been watching are: Medium (Mondays), Commander in Chief (Tuesdays, if it ever comes back on), Survivor and ER (Thursdays) and sometimes Will & Grace and My Name Is Earl (also Thursdays). Sunday nights are Desperate Housewives and Gray's Anatomy. And then there is usually the nightly news, sometimes followed by The Tonight Show (but then I stay up way too late). And Saturdays, usually DH and I try to catch Saturday Night Live.

Is this more than the average American watches TV, or less, or about the same? I don't know. I do know that I tend to feel a bit doped up when I sit in my cozy chair under the blanket and watching TV. Sometimes I fall asleep, and I know my energy has been very low, even though I've started back at the YWCA for exercise. I feel guilty about watching TV too... like I should be Doing Something with my life instead of watching usually inferior entertainment that other people have written and produced. I should be writing and producing!

But that's not where I'm at this winter, so I'm just letting it be what it is. Maybe Slumpville is just where I need to be right now. I'm sure I'll leave again, maybe as spring comes along. And you'll hear more from me, too. If you haven't noticed the trend, it's hard to blog in Slumpville.