MY BOGGY BLOG: find your way through the murk
Notes from the Homefront -- Theresa Jarosz Alberti, writer and mother... http://sapphire.albatross.org
I haven't been writing much this week, mostly because I've been preoccupied by The Party. August is a big month here Chez Alberti-- 3 out of 5 of us have birthdays-- the twins on the 3rd and DH on the 10th. We decided to have the family party early, yesterday, a 3 in 1 party that is mostly the same every year (except when DH turned 40-- we threw a separate Big Bash for him with an extended guest list). We have a barbecue supper with both sides of the family and a family friend over, lots of little cousins now, with a huge cake, ice cream and rootbeer floats.
Since the twins (who'll actually be 14 on Wednesday) haven't had much going on this summer, I've had them in a routine with me of doing chores/projects with me in the morning during the week and then they get an allowance for this. So I've been finding out it is much easier to get things done and keep up with household tasks with these two big, capable kids helping me out. This week we spent going over the whole house (mostly), cleaning and preppeing for the party. In years past, it used to be DH and I running around like headless chickens for the 2 days before the party, cleaning and hiding clutter, all the party prep, with me getting more and more frantic and both of us getting exremely crabby. No fun!
So, we actually were ready for guests *before* they actually showed up, and non of us were so hectic and harried as in the past. The party was fine and we had good weather, maybe a bit too hot, oh well. It still was a lot of work, so I'm considering this a day of recovery anyway. We can eat leftovers and hang out. And try to keep cool, because after a cooler week last week, we are back to several days in the 90's with high humidity.
After today, it will be back to thinking about the kid parties (each kid gets to have some friends over individually) and the driving trip we are taking to Tennessee in August. There's always something!
When I go to the library, I often peruse the video shelves, seeing if anything picques my interest. This last time, "Four Weddings and a Funerer" caught my eye-- I remember liking the movie when I came out a long time ago, thinking it was funny, but I could hardly remember anything about it. So I borrowed it and watched it.
It was from 1993, so about 12 years ago-- I know we saw it in the theatre, so it must have been a date with babysitter for DH and I (twins would have been 2). It was back when Hugh Grant was new and still kinda adorable with his floppy hair and anxious face. Andie McDowell was new too, looking all pretty and dainty-- she's never been a favorite of mine. She's pretty but I don't think she can act very well. Anyway, this movie stood up pretty well in the humor department, and didn't seem too dated. I wouldn't say I'm sorry I rewatched it.
Isn't it interesting, though, that you can watch something you know you've seen but can't remember it enough... so it just seems like new again? I guess our brains can only store so much information!
As I sit here right now, there's a raging downpour out my attic window, some desperately needed rain. With something like half a month of temps in the 90s and hardly any rain, the grass all looks crunchy. I've been trying to keep up with some watering and we have a shady yard, so mine still looks green. I may not be able to plant a wide variety of plants with my shady yard, but I also don't get grass that looks like straw in this heat.
We've been doing some summery things this week, the nice parts about summer. Went swimming at Lake Nokomis, and DD lost her glasses in the sand-- we looked for a half hour for those glasses and didn't find them, but DH gave his business card to the people who were sitting near us in case they found them... and we got a call later that they had. Yippee! We don't have to fork out $300 for a new pair!
Last night was a perfect night at the drive-in theatre. We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and saw War of the Worlds again. The air was just the right temp, and a bit of a breeze so the bugs stayed away. It was so nice sitting outside and watching the big screen, with just a blanket thrown over my lap.
Today is supposed to be the art car parade. Hopefully the rain will be gone by then!
Who is Murphy, anyway? Here in our house, Murphy's Law gets a lot of respect. It somehow makes you feel just a smidge better to have someone to attribute the minor misfortunes of life to.
Occasionally we try to play with Murphy a bit, just to see if we can exert a little control (or the illusion of control) over an uncontrollable situation. Just this week, we got some info in the mail about a big car sale at the Plymouth dealer where we bought our van a few years ago. DH's current car is a little Geo Metro --loud, cramped, uncomfortable, unsafe and on the verge of falling apart-- so I said "why don't you just go look?" We have been putting off getting him a different car because of our search for an opportunity to live somewhere in Europe for a year; why buy a car when you are planning on leaving? Since we've had no luck in finding an opportunity after looking for a long time, I said, "Maybe if you buy a car, then you'll get a job offer, Murphy's Law."
He liked my reasoning, so he actually did go out and look at cars and found a decent used sedan at a great price, and he bought it. We are still waiting to see if he gets and offer, BUT--
Murphy did want to put us in our place, in a small way, at least. We've had this hot humid weather for weeks now, no rain, and everything looks as dry as straw outside. I didn't hear anything about rain in the weather forecast at all. But of course when I put out clothing and stuff for ARC to pick up today--- putting it out last night because sometimes they show up at 7 am, putting it out IN PAPER BAGS-- we get a rollicking good thunderstorm at 5 am, a soaking, much-needed rain.
Sigh. Thank you Murphy. Yes, you win again!
We have just ended (hopefully) some kind of record-tying streak of like 9 days in the 90s, with today being the hottest one at 97 degrees. I know this is probably nothing compared to those mega-hot southwest states, but here we don't have that dry heat-- we have high humidity too, so you can just be standing there and sweating up a storm. Anyway, at first the 90 temps aren't too bad, but when you've had day after day of it, and no central air (we have 2 window a/c units and a lot of fans), you start feeling really lethargic and easily annoyed with the world.
We didn't even hardly do any swimming to cool off this week, since younger DS had classes in the morning and older DS and DD had classes in the afternoon, so I spent most of the week as a chauffer. DH and younger DS and I finally made it into the Y to swim last Friday while the other two were in class, and oh, it felt soooooo sublime! Just to be so cool and comfy from head to foot, weightless in the water... it was just what I needed.
Today (the hottest day) we did have a pool party to go to, and it was just so perfectly refreshing. This woman from our church has this gorgeous outdoor pool with a large patio, lots of seating, a screened in sitting area and a bathroom and second kitchen just for the pool area. The pool was the right temp and we all kept cool and yet got some sun, too. It felt like a mini-vacation.
They're saying it will only be in the 80s for tomorrow, and that will be fine with me. But maybe we can find someplace to go swimming, anyway!
My kids used to be the babies and little kids on the block. We had mostly boys around here, with my DD and another girl thrown in for variety. The front yards and sidewalks were crawling with kids and their little vehicles and moms standing guard and chatting. Sigh, the good old days!
It's much quieter now that the kids have gotten older. Some of the kids we hardly see anymore, even though they are still there. Are they inside, or trucked off to sporting activities all the time?
But just this last year, we've had a new crop, 4 baby girls born between November and July. I just met the newet one today, born less than 2 weeks ago. It will be a new neighborhood crew of kids and moms... I like to think of them playing out front and riding up and down the sidewalks, and everyone getting along nicely together.
I can dream, can't I?
I've seen the commercial a few times now-- a new TV show they are slating for fall, most certainly a take-off on the popularity of The West Wing, which I've never watched. This one is called "Commander in Chief" and stars Gina Davis as the first female Vice President who end up having to take over the job of president as the current one dies of a stroke. Donald Sutherland plays the House Majority Leader who at first is trying to convince her to step down--- after all, we've never had a woman president. But the commercials already let you know that she refuses to step down and she becomes the first woman president-- Madame President.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
This may be the only way that Americans will finally see the possibility, that a woman can be president and can be good at it too. Our country is so backwards in this way, or so controlled by patriarchal power forces. I am so hoping that this show does well, and that it helps to turn peoples' heads and make them think.
Doesn't hurt that there are at least 2 very respected, talented actors leading the show.
There is hope!
It's in the 90s today, high humidity, so we're just trying to keep cool. I've got a fan blowing right on me as I write up here in the hot attic, shades drawn, and it's reall not too bad. Soon we have to leave and we'll be in air-conditioning for the afternoon. I just hope it won't be that too-icy-cold a/c, like it was in a cafe I was in yesterday. You know it's sweltering outside but you're sitting inside with goosepimples on your arms and thinking about how you can get warm.
It did turn out to be a good morning this morning. DH and I went to the YWCA together-- him to do weights and elliptical, me to walk in a/c on the track. I've been keeping up pretty regularly with walking this summer and it has made a big difference in how I feel. My back used to ache after I'd walk just one lap, and now I can walk 1 1/2 miles. Yay me!
After the gym, we went to the Midtown Farmer's Market (just across the street from the Y) and shopped around. DH never goes to farmer's markets-- usually I get up early and go by myself, but since we had driven together, he came along. This is such a nice small neighborhood market with a great social feel to it, and he was walking around being a social guy, talking to people, making connections. It is good to see him be so relaxed! And we had yummy tamales for breakfast there.
After this was a simple trip to Target, but again, we hardly ever go together. I'm the major shopper in the family, but it is nice to have someone else along to talk to and help carry the packages.
So really, that was the morning-- very simple and nothing special, yet highly enjoyable. And now I'm going to go sit in a cooler room!
I'm really not that big a fan of spiders. They pretty much creep me out. I do like that they eat mosquitos and flies, and I tend to let them live if I see them unless they are in my space in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable-- like on the ceiling above my bed, or when I'm in the shower. Then I mercilessly "get rid of them." (Sounds like some insect mafiosa.)
But today, I'm not sure how many spiders I potentially saved. Younger DS and I were in the car, him sitting in the passenger seat. He told me that there was a spider with an egg sac in the window well. When we stopped the car at home, I took a look, and indeed you could see a spider with a round white sac in the groove on the inside of the window well. Closing the window wouldn't kill the spider, and I could just tell if we let it be, we'd end up with a car full of baby spiders some day, and that didn't thrill me.
It fit within my usual "you're in my personal space" spider squashing rule... but hey, this was a mother spider with all her babies in that sac. I thought of Charlotte's Web, I thought of her being a mother wanting to protect her babies just like me, I thought of the countless mosquitos and bugs these spiders might eat. I called my older DS out-- he is good at being a problem solver and has good intuition about animals, so he helped. He got a stick and we were trying to get the spider (who was moving around with her egg sac) onto a stick so we could transport her to the garden. She ended up in the grass by the car-- DS said her egg sac was on her back, and so we left it to let nature take its course. For all I know, they all met their demise in the grass, getting stepped on at some point. But I like to think that they somehow made it.
It's funny to feel a bit of a connection to a creature like this, a creature I usually don't feel any kind of connection to (and I don't *want to* feel any connection to, normally!). I just hated to think of this mother spider going to all the work of laying that egg sac and somehow thinking our car was a safe place for it.
I wonder how EB White felt about spiders once he wrote Charlotte?
I'm not sure why, but I've just not been into gardening this year. Usually the garden is a place of escape for me-- it feels good being out in the sun, digging in the soil, pulling weeds and getting the immediate gratification of a garden that looks better, the artistry of planting new plants and envisioning how they'll look in the scheme of the garden. I'd water with the hose every other night and just enjoy how it all looked.
This year, it is all just a chore. The weather was so rainy all May that I didn't plant any of the many plants I bought from the school plant sale until about mid-June. I managed to get my allowance-driven teens to help me weed and put down mulch in the front gardens. They are, of course, high on the list because everyone else sees them when they walk by.
But the back gardens-- a long garden along our wooden privacy fence-- have so totally gone to wild weeds that I shudder to look at them. I'm not sure what the heck happened, but there are long patches of grass growing in there, lots of purple loose-strife (I think that's what it is), and until I got my teen work crew in there last week, there were tons of tree saplings growing in there. Today we were out there and I got them to do some weeding with me, and pulling out all these weeds has left giant holes where there are no plants at all-- which is strange because it has been a full and lush garden for several years. I think I must've lost more than I thought in the strange winter we had last year.
This garden is far from done, and I'm not much in the mood to work on it, but I feel like I have to or I will lose it all to weeds, and I have put in a lot of time on this garden over the years. I keep trying to remember The Secret Garden and how with some love and work it came back to being a beautiful place. Maybe I just need a few more workers who can be enticed by cash. Know any bored teens?
I know she hates to be called Baby Girl, but I can't help but be a little sentimental today since DD came home, just a few hours ago. Five nights, six days away, and things just didn't feel the same at all around here. She had a great time as I knew she would-- her friend is an only child and not really spoiled but treatef very nice by her folks. DD spent the days in a blissful state of playing in the lake, collecting quartz rocks (her fave kind), lazing about and reading and drawing pictures, very relaxing and fun. I'm so glad she had the experience, but it's one of those tough "mom has to let go" kind of things. Let the baby bird fly a bit, then welcome her back to the nest.
Not much else going on today. Took younger DS to his fun summer school class, while older DS and I did some chores in the kitchen together-- him crabby even though he will get an allowance for doing it. Then piano lessons and some fun with the boys playing The Game of Life at the kitchen table, and then doing some Mad Libs together, a lot of laughs doing that. Homemade pizza for dinner and DD came home. A slow summer day.
I just finished reading Jennifer Weiner's "Little Earthquakes" today-- when did I get it?-- Friday? I am not that fast of a reader, so for me to devour a big book over a long weekend is kind of unusual. This is the third JW book I've read this year, and they are all very addictive-can't-just-eat-one-page kind of books for me. Mostly stories of women and their relationships or motherhood issues done in a very engaging fashion, with lots of great dialogue and humor, and always a large-sized woman character too (very unusual). This book told the story of 4 women who become friends, all having in common that they are mothers of new babies at the same time (one of the women's babies had died, though). They each have their own problems and issues, and you hear from each one's perspective as the book goes on.
All the while I'm reading, I can't help but think: how did JW do this? How did she come to construct this book this way? Why aren't I writing? Will I ever finish one of my books? I should be writing.
It could kind of take the enjoyment out of reading, but luckily I have a great denial reflex!
So done with book and sitting here at desk now. The pleased and satisfied feeling of having read and finished a good book. And now: write, girl, write.
I taught my boys to bike over to their friends' house, about 14-20 city blocks from here (depending on which way you go). What's neat about these friends is that they are two brothers, in the same grades as our boys, so they all get along and play well together. Our boys want to go over to their house (the preferred place, since they have a butt-load of video games) a few times a week, and usually I've been driving them there and back, then picking them up, there and back. Now that we've replaced the bike of younger DS that was stolen a few weeks ago with a nice used bike, it seemed like a good time to let them gain a little independence. And save me some driving. So now if the weather is good, they can get a little exercise when they visit their friends.
When I was biking over with them the first day to make sure they knew the way to get their, I noticed my older DS was about to leave with no helmet. I reminded him, and he started to make a fuss-- I don't need a helmet, I'll drive very slowly and carefully and I won't crash into anything. But I insisted: that's why they call them "accidents"-- you certainly don't *plan* to have one! He moaned and griped but then put it on. I could tell it was just one of these teenage "it's not cool, I'm not a baby, I don't want to" moments.
As I've driven around lately on the River Road with its bike paths lately, I've taken to noticing the many bikers on the paths next to the road. And what I'm noticing is that hardly anybody out there is wearing bike helmets anymore! I find this very surprising-- it's one of those basic safety practices that I don't even think about, like putting on my seat belt. Are helmets really considered uncool now? That won't change my usage, for sure, but I wonder what the logic is out there. Are people just not seeing a risk? Don't they care?
If anyone has any logic on this one, let me know!
I'm sad... my 13 year old daughter has just gone off with her friend's family for 6 days at their cabin up north. DD has been terribly excited to go-- her friend is an only child and the parents are great to both girls, and I know she is going to have a wonderful time. But DD has only ever been away for 2 nights before, so I know I'm going to feel a terrible hole with her gone.
As a mom, I also worry, and I know that is natural. She'll be swimming in lakes without my eagle eye checking on her every few minutes. I know she's a good swimmer after all those years of swimming lessons and she is a pretty safe kid, but still. I'm not in control! And with her away, I can't even pretend to be.
It just feels like the first step in her growing up and me letting go. Of course I don't want to stop her from having great experiences in life, and this will be happening a lot more as we really get into the teen years, with the twins turning 14 in a month or so. It is what parents and children have done for eons, and it will be our turn too, to let go and let them out into the world. It's our job. But inwardly, I think it sucks!
So now I get to be the only female in the household, and find boy-friendly things to do with them. But for now I just feel sad... I think it's some kind of existensial crisis, the mom watching her chicks go off and now what does she do? This has been her identity and filled her days for so long. I have some more thinking and feeling to do about this.