MY BOGGY BLOG: find your way through the murk

Boy Party, Age 13

On Wednesday, we had the birthday sleepover for older DS. He invited five 13 year olds, one 9 year old, and then there was 9 yr old younger DS who he reluctantly agreed could be a part of things. So 8 boys in our house, then DH and me (mostly invisible to the kids) and DD (ditto), who was really remarkably unphased by having so much testosterone around her. All in all, the party was a hit, and not too traumatic for the parents.

First we took the boys over to Monster Den, a place where kids can go and play video games or do various card tournaments. One side of the peneled room is set up like a living room, with lots of pseudo-leather couches and big TVs with X-Boxes. Four boys could play on one game of Halo at a time, so we had two TVs and two couches for two hours. DH and I brought books to read, and it all worked out fine. Then it was back to our house for pizza, attempts by the boys to play a modern role playing game, a make-your-own-ice-cream-sundae bar (instead of cake), and vidoe games all night long. We don't own a game system (and we'd like to keep it that way because the computer games we have are too addictive as it is), so another boy brought his over, and a few others brought games. I think they stayed up till 5:30, then slept until 10 am. So they say. I was in bed around 1 am.

Now we've had boy sleepovers before, and they used to be so much more about energy release-- they would be jumping off the walls, throwing stuffed animals around the play room, wrestling in the dark and getting hurt, out in the back yard pounding things with plastic bats. Those parties were absolutely exhausting and I felt like I needed several days to recover. But last year and this year have been different... they seem to channel their energy into these games, or maybe the energy is mellowing out some. Is this a good change? Heck, it's a lot easier for me to handle, but I don't know if it is really good.

Anyway, sleepy boys woke and ate sugar cereal (a treat in our house) and actually went outside. One boy said he didn't want to play videos games for awhile, that he was overloaded. It wasn't my child!

We are still waiting to schedule his twin sister's friend party. She doesn't want a sleepover this year (yay!). She has a few boys in her friend group and she wants to invite them too, so they will have a "hang out all day" kind of party.

So many parties around here...

Feelin' Fringey

I'm feelin' hip, feelin' cool, being Ms. Artsy-Fartsy attending the Minneapolis Fringe Festival, for the first time. I've heard about it for years-- 10 days in August with tons and tons of small-theatre performances around town-- but I've never bothered with it in the past, thinking about babysitting and logistics. But now with kids who can sometimes stay home on their own, I thought I'd check out the whole Fringe scene and see what it was all about.

Well, at least on a small scale.

First I took the kids to see a kid-friendly play of Sherlock Holmes-- very well done. Even younger DS who grumbles about plays not being as good as movies liked it a lot. It had humor, and a classic Sherlock Holmes with his pipe and checked cape. It was the murder at Abbey Grange.

On Saturday I went off by myself to attend "Does This Monologue Make Me Fat," a one-woman show by this woman named Amy who I was once in a Loft workshop with. It was hilarious and poignant and so very witty. She did a fabulous job with both her writing and actting... with vignettes about parents and boyfriends and The Uterus Goddess and a spoof on a lesbian sex party at a women's empowerment weekend.

Today I saw a modern dance performance called "Tasteless"-- okay, so I went because I knew it had nudiy, I'll admit shamelessly! ;-) It was very interesting, probably the most fringey thing I've seen in a long time. I don't always "get" or know what I'm supposed to "get" about modern dance, but this one had funny, strange and interesting bits all over the place. I liked it. And who couldn't like a performance which involves clementine tangerines being thrown and bit into and spit out and smashed into the floor?

The best part of all these performances is that they make me wake up creatively. And now I want to do my own fringe thing with my pen and my notebook, writing my little heart out.

Poor DH

Not a good week for DH. He was already in a funk with his 42nd birthday approaching. He's in some mid-life crisis (again), not liking where he's working, not sure if he wants to keep going with his business and if not, then what does he want to do? And he gets depressed at the idea of getting older. And then, on DH's birthday this week, his birthfather died.

We'd found out about three weeks ago that R. had pancreatic cancer and that he was given 3-6 months to live. He was only 65, and DH did want to try and go out and see him, but we thought we had more time than this. R. unfortunately had some bad complications and pain and couldn't eat... I think that is what hastened everything.

DH had found both his birthparents 11 years ago. Birthmom K. is someone who we've all grown pretty close to-- she's definitely another grandma to the kids and we keep in regular contact. But DH has had a more distant relationship to R. They've met, talked on the phone a few times, sent a few cards, but really hadn't had much contact since we last saw him on our trip out to the East Coast 4 years ago. It doesn't seem like there was anything more to it all than everyone is busy and we have our lives and he had his. I'm sure DH feels pretty bad about that now, too.

So, right now DH is flying out to Boston, then driving out to Cape Cod, to attend the funeral. He'll be staying with R.'s other son, who has been his contact through these last few weeks. I hope that it is all in all a good experience for him, even though there'll be grief and sadness. Maybe he can make new connections with other relatives. Maybe something good can come of this year's sad birthday.

On another note, it's been in the 50's this week for temps! Usually we are more apt to get 100 degrees heatwaves in August, but this year has certainly been odd. I've heard we may get back to 80 by Sunday. Very strange.

My Babies Turn 13...

I can hardly believe that my two oldest children, DD and DS, my 4.5 lb incubator babies, turned 13 on August 3rd. Obviously, what everyone has always said is true-- kids grow up fast, before you know it, despite the fact that in the preschool years it seems like it will never end! (My sister is in that phase now with 3 kids 5 and under, and I hear that in her voice all the time!). I think the incredible speed-up happens when they get to school. The months of the school year just zip on by-- you buy the school supplies and before you know it, winter break is upon you. You blink and then it is Memorial Day.

So hear I am with two lovely, charming and exasperating new teens. Just now I heard DS get up in the morning and ask DD if she was awake yet in his newly deep voice. He is just a pinch away from being taller than me, seems all long and gangly in arms and legs, with shoulders getting all sturdy. And all the zits that come with the territory. Sigh-- he was my little happy baby, the first to smile and laugh, the little boy who climbed everything very skillfully, not recklessly. When we drag out the old videos, he has this sweet little baby voice, full of questions. And now he talks to me endlessly of his favorite computer games, his eyes still excited and voice deep and low.

DD was our little kitten baby, with the tiniest cries at first. While we called her brother "Linus" for his mellowness, we called her "Lucy" because of her more forceful, self-assured personality, evident from the start! She was the toddler with a head full of brown curls, the girl who loved playing in water, and now she is so happy to go swimming, especially in lakes where she can search for rocks to add to her collection. She is amazingly creative, doing alot of self-learning on the computer to incorporate all sorts of new stuff onto her web page. And she has started her puberty journey with her curvy body, period, hair that needs to be washed every other day, and of course, the zits.

We haven't hit the real snags of teen attitude yet with either of these two-- a few outbursts, but we've worked through them. It is truly a new phase, and even though I'm sad to leave the other stages behind, I am excited to see what will happen with them. They are growing closer to who they will be as grown-ups. What will they do with these lives?

And at least I still have my other baby, 9 yr old DS, to hang out in Kid Land with.