MY BOGGY BLOG: find your way through the murk

Maybe TMI

Okay, I've been debating about whether to tell this little story. It's rather personal, but then again, it is a good "day in the life" story, of what it means to be a woman. At least, one moment in the life of an average woman.

So if you don't care to read a very personal story, please don't read any further!

To start, I am 39 years old, with three children ages 12, 12 and 9. DH and I have decided that 3 is a great number of kids for us, and outside of occasional baby-pings on my part ("oh, a baby! I love babies! Sigh.") we are very happy to be past the baby phases and have kids who are old enough to talk with, debate with, and occasionally, leave home alone without a babysitter! But DH and I have done nothing permanent about birth control, for various reasons. One of which being the fact that I have to stay on The Pill anyway because otherwise my cycles are highly irregular.

And this last week, I was due to get my period... usually very regularly coming the Tuesday after my last pill in the cycle. But days passed and no period, until I told DH about it on Friday. Now, some months, not getting my period wouldn't matter too much anyway, but this month, we've actually been enjoying a romantic life again, so not getting my period could mean that I'm actually... gulp... pregnant!

I told DH, and he actually got a little smile on his face and we teased each other about it, and all sorts of imaginings started going through my head... some scary and some pleasant. I mean, what would it be like to have a baby in our chaotic, disorganized life? What would it mean to my writing? My energy? Our future? It came down to, as DH and I discussed it, that we'd deal with it if we had to. And then, surprisingly enough, we ended up watching some old videos of our kids as babies, and it brought so many memories back to me. How sweet they were, how good we were with babies, how much love babies bring, how much work they are...

So I went out and bought a pregnancy test on Saturday. I haven't done that in years, and I'd forgotten how self-conscious a woman can feel doing this. Of course I had to stand in a long line at Walgreens. And I saw a very community-involved neighbor there, saying hi to me as I clutched my test kit under my arm. Thank God she didn't stop to talk! And then, there was getting up to the cashier to lay my little purple box down... when I asked if she wanted to see ID for my check, she said, "oh no, Theresa, I know you. You're one of the nice ones." She acted like she knew me, but I really don't go to that store very often at all. So that was weird. I know she read my name off the check, but I really didn't need to have the personal touch when I was Buying A Pregnancy Test!

The end result: no, I am not pregnant. (Big Sigh of Relief!) I called a phone nurse, and she said it isn't uncommon to miss a period, and to just watch for it next month. The little baby dreams of a curly dark haired baby went poof, and I waved goodbye sadly, but yes, relieved to be able to go forward with my three middle-aged kids.

I share this with you as just a little slice of Life as Woman. That even a 39 year old mom with a daughter on the verge of getting her period still has to worry about getting her period. That reproduction and what to do with it is always a fact of life. It's not something that comes up real often in our society. But it's there and real for every woman...

Posted by sapphire at March 8, 2004 12:56 PM